We attract relationships into our life that are there to learn and grow from. Some move from one relationship to the next until they choose to settle and make a home with another. Once the honeymoon of passion phase is done, many can get stuck into the day-to-day mundane ‘to-do-jobs’ to running a home with juggling a family. One day, you wake up and wonder who the stranger is, and often sexual attraction has gone. This can be scary and racking your brains to where it all went tits up!
When one person shifts and the other remains the same, then there are bumps and waves.
Every relationship has challenges, bumps in the road and at times getting into headlock and conflict with the other. Many couples, I see are disappointed with the other and feeling let down, all the time. The power-struggle dynamic will only see from the individual point of view, and deep down both are wanting the same thing, yet, often speaking very different languages. Until each individual can begin to understand themselves and relate to the other’s emotional needs, then no amount of counselling or coaching will assist.
Here are the 5 Relationship Villains worn in the Relationship.
- Controlling your partner
- The need to be right
- Uncontrolled or unbridled self-expression
- Withdrawal or stonewalling
Are you or your partner guilty of any of these?
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I bet at least 3 of these are playing out in the Relationship-Dynamic! When there are three playing out, I will bet that the other two are playing out in response, to the other in the relationship. This can look and feel messy and wondering; “Where to begin?”
This is the destructive mess many couples find themselves within. The withdrawal can often be sexual or blocking any loving advances. The retaliation is usually the reckless choices and having an affair.
Is this YOU? Are you playing out any of the above?
The saddening fact is, if you continue without an expert with raw life-experience with ‘real talk’, then you will be heading to get a messy separation/divorce and years of pain.
One session only begins to unpack the root causes of what is going on for each individual. To go deep together to make real, long lasting impact in your relationship, 3x sessions is highly recommended.
The long-term cost of divorce and family separation are huge in comparison. I hear this a lot from clients;
‘We did Couples Therapy for years and nothing shifted except resenting one another. Working with Zoe, we gained clarity, got results and are more emotionally and physically connected than ever.’